people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
