I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
