well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
