areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
