I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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