mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
