party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
