i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
be right there i have to get my cape
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
