How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
