Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
