I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
