paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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