Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
