oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
