After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
