i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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