we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
