some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
