You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
