I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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