Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
