she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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