I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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