I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
