My balls are so social today.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
