It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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