I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
