White coat. Heels.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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