I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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