No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
