Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
