Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
