There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
