But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
