nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
