I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
