i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
