wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
