Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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