singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
