great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
