Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
bring money and cleavage
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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