It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
