chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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