I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
