you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
