i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
