He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
