apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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