I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
