i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
