Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My cat gives me a boner
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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