his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
