I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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