Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry about my life...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
