she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
