dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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