remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
