THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
love makes seman taste better
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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