listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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