Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
